However one wants to look at it. And to be honest, I’m not sure if that’s a trial, a blessing, or both. But as I get older, I realize that motherhood may not be “in the cards.” But as I weigh the pros and cons of a childless/childfree life, I’m glad that women like Aisha bint Abi Bakr (may God be pleased with her) are my role models. She was scholarly and inquisitive. Outspoken and beautiful. She was pious, God-conscious and exceptionally, wonderfully “human.” She was the Prophet’s wife (peace be upon him). Over 2,000 hadith are transmitted from her. She had NO children of her own, yet she became our mother–the Mother of the Believers.
So in the light of this great woman, I can’t find it in myself to feel bad or inadequate about being childless/childfree. I simply observe it as a fact, no judgment. It simply “is.” And I say this because there are some who are desperately trying to make me and others feel inadequate for something that is simply the decree of God. Thank God, my family and friends accept me, just the way I am.
I don’t feel inadequate because I understand these verses. “To God belongs the Kingdom of the heavens and the earth; He creates what He will; He gives to whom He will females, and He gives to whom He will males. Or He couples them, both males and females; and He makes whom He will childless. Surely He is All-knowing, All-powerful.” (42: 49-50)
I also understand that what I desire regarding marriage and motherhood is a good thing. But it may not be good “for me.” Or it may not be good for me today, but good for me tomorrow. I may not be ready today but in the near future. “But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you, and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And God Knows, while you know not.” (2:216)
So to my fellow sisters and brothers, in Islam, and in humanity
Those of you with no children,
because you can’t conceive,
because you can’t afford them because,
you haven’t met the right partner,
because you simply do not want them—please know this.
You are loved. You are precious and beloved to your Creator—just as you are.
One thought on “Childless/Childfree”
This is a lovely post. I, too, do not have biological children, for several reasons, but I do have step-daughters and four grandchildren who do not know the word, “step.” They are the lights of my life, and I thank Allah, but I would not change a thing about my state of never having given birth. Even before the entrance of those kids in my life, I didn’t feel at all diminished for not having given birth.